Sick of Knowing

This year, since I turned 30, has been a tricky one for me. There have been a couple of large milestone events that have gotten me thinking about mortality, spirituality, and better ways to live. The near-death hospitalization of a close friend and a recent less serious illness of my own in particular have me wanting to figure out how to balance the present and the future, and just get to feeling more comfortable in my own skin, so I can enjoy my life. I am re-reading the Tao Te Ching, which I cherished way back in high school, though most of it didn’t sink in, of course. I found a translation that wasn’t written back then, by Ron Hogan, which he renamed “Getting Right with Tao”. It tries to take out all the poetry, and leave the message intact, and says things like “Don’t spend too much time thinking about stupid shit”, which is in the original, I swear, just not in so many words.  At first I though this one was a little gimmicky (the translator does not know Chinese, for one thing, though he isn’t the first translator with that limitation). But I read the whole thing, and some concepts really work better this way. I have a few chapters that I really want to muse about, but I think I will stick to just one in this post. Here it is:

71

If you know

what you don’t know,

you’re doing great.

If you don’t know

what you don’t know,

you’re sick.

The only way

to get rid of that sickness

is to be sick of it.

The Masters aren’t sick,

because they got sick of being sick.

That’s how I feel. I am sick of it. I am ready for something else. A lot of the lines in the myriad versions of the Tao Te Ching have brought me some measure of comfort, but reading “you’re doing great” was just what I needed. I know what I don’t know. I admit there are things I can’t control, because that’s just the way it is. I don’t have to know everything, just that I don’t know. I’m doing great.

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False Starts

I signed up for my free little corner of the internet months ago, but have not been able to bring myself to blog until today. Blogging seems so egotistical, self centered, and attention grabbing. I have gotten a lot out of following the blogs I follow, and I don’t think that about the people who create those blogs, but I have always had a double standard when it comes to myself. Anyway, I feel that it is time, I have been journaling for many years, and rarely keep up with the results. Here I will have a place online to call home for a while, and gather together things that I think are important at the time. It is something I can be horribly embarrassed about later that is public, rather than shoved in a drawer in my nightstand. What could go wrong? If you are making the mistake of following my blog, you should know that there is not a theme planned. I am not going to blog a bunch of recipes and makeup tips despite the name. I am going to talk about whatever I want. A theme may organically grow, and if so, I may even change the name, if I find I have something specific to say. So, in short, here is what this blog is –

Goals:

  • Getting better at expressing myself in writing, by doing it for at least a theoretical audience.
  • Learning things, maybe by connecting with a few people.

Not Goals:

  • Building up site traffic.
  • Following a regular posting schedule.
  • Getting rich quick through multiple income streams.

Things I might blog about:

  • Veganism/ Animal Rights/ Social Justice
  • Arts and Crafts
  • Fashion from the 20s, 30s, 40s
  • Singing
  • Environmentalism/ Energy Efficiency/ Climate Change
  • Spirituality, particularly Taoism and Hinduism
  • Asperger’s/ autism spectrum, especially in females
  • How I am improving myself
  • How I am giving up on improving myself to enjoy today
  • Whatever else I want
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